Just finished my article for Issue 3 of GEMS Family Magazine, due out in January...
Cyberbullying
In this edition, we look at the important issue of
cyberbullying and hopefully provide some useful information and tips for
parents, as well as links to websites for further reading. Together, we can
keep our children and teens safe and happy in the online world.
What is Cyberbullying?
According to
stopcyberbullying.org, "Cyberbullying is when a child, preteen or teen is
tormented, threatened, harassed, humiliated, embarrassed or otherwise targeted
by another child, preteen or teen using the Internet, interactive and digital
technologies or mobile phones. It has to have a minor on both sides, or at
least have been instigated by a minor against another minor. Once adults become
involved, it is plain and simple cyber-harassment or cyberstalking. Adult
cyber-harassment or cyberstalking is NEVER called cyberbullying.”
Examples of cyberbullying include posting rumours, false or hurtful
information about others online, direct messaging intended to harm others,
posting embarrassing photographs or videos of others without their real
consent, making threats directly or indirectly and any attempt to isolate a
child socially.
Why is it
important that we raise our awareness of the issue and take steps to tackle
cyberbullying?
The effects of
bullying can last a lifetime and there is growing evidence suggest that it can
lead to serious mental health issues, both in childhood and later in life.
Cyberbullying is a particular concern for many reasons. Children who are
cyberbullied:
·
are prone to an increased risk of stress, anxiety and
depression
·
suffer a higher risk of suicidal thoughts
·
make less academic progress than their peers
·
are more likely to play truant or be unwilling to attend
school
·
often also experience face to face bullying
·
are more likely to become cyberbullies themselves
·
in extreme cases, may go on to attempt suicide
Unlike face to
face bullying, cyberbullying can take place anytime, anywhere, and there is
often no safe haven for the victim. The bullying is also often far more public.
This can lead to a feeling of helplessness
that can rapidly deteriorate into depression or worse.
So what is the
risk?
A recent study in
the UK found that 35% of 11-17 year olds said they had experienced some form of
cyberbullying, more than twice as many as in the previous year. In other research, two-thirds of teachers
surveyed said they had seen evidence of their students being bullied online. Similar
statistics are common around the world so, not only is this is a very serious
issue, it actually seems to be getting worse.
Another finding from repeated research suggests there is a huge
gap between parental knowledge and concerns on the one hand and the reality of
what their children are actually doing online. There is a ‘not my child’ belief
among many parents, which is often not borne out when the children themselves
are surveyed. Accordingly, we should all
take time to improve awareness of cyberbullying and renew our efforts to
understand, support and guide our children’s online behaviour.
Why do children bully others online?
There are many reasons why a child may
bully others online. Often, cyberbullies have low self-esteem and are trying to
improve their own social standing or simply to feel better about themselves by
putting others down. They may be motivated by revenge for a real life incident
that has occurred, or they may just think they are being funny and their
actions will make them more popular. Sometimes, children who are bullied can
find that, in fighting back, they actually become the bully. Similarly, a child
may begin retaliating on behalf of a friend, but this can quickly escalate –
there are better ways to be an ‘upstander’.
How can I tell if my child is being
bullied online?
A child who is being cyberbullied may
display one or more of these behaviours:
·
Becomes withdrawn
·
Is moody or
agitated, especially when using devices
·
Shows signs of
depression
·
Is aggressive or
defensive
·
Doesn’t want to go
to school / performance dips / starts getting into trouble at school
·
Loses interest in hobbies
or activities
·
Becomes secretive
or protective about use of devices
·
Is spending
significantly more or less time than usual online or stops using devices
altogether
·
Change in
friendship groups
·
Change in sleeping
habits
·
Self-harming
What should I do if I think my child is being
cyberbullied?
The most important thing parents can do in this situation is
offer support and comfort to their child.
Talk to them and let them know that, whatever they are going through, it
is not their fault and that you are there to help them. Relating your own experiences of bullying
from childhood can help to bring out the facts. Once your child opens up, it
will be easier to take the steps necessary to deal with the situation and start
collecting evidence. It is also important
to ensure that your child breaks off all online contact with the perpetrator as
soon as you have seen evidence of the bullying. Responding online will only
make things worse. Take screenshots of
the evidence and do not delete anything, but do not add fuel to the fire by
fighting back on behalf of your child. Parents should never confront other
families directly unless they are close friends and they are confident that the
matter can be resolved amicably.
It is very likely that such bullying originated from school
peer groups so parents should contact the school as soon as there is good
reason to believe cyberbullying is the cause of a child’s distress. Every
school has a Child Protection Officer who will know how to help and will investigate
the matter. Cyberbullying is a community issue and families need to know that
schools are there to support them – no one should suffer in silence.
What can I do to prevent my child being cyberbullied?
Parents should look to create a climate of openness and
trust, whilst modelling good digital etiquette at all times. In this sense, the online world is not all
that different to the world in which we were raised and family values can be
applied to technology use just as they are to all aspects of how we raise our
children. Taking time to familiarize yourself with the devices, apps and
websites your children use is essential so that you are able to have open
conversations about the benefits, risks, privacy issues and, of course, what to
do if things go wrong. Talk to your children regularly about the sites and apps
everyone in the family is using and set rules together for the use of these
tools, making it clear that those rules are necessary to keep everyone safe.
Finally, make sure you are aware of what the school is doing
to educate your children about staying safe and acting responsibly online. A
consistent message, education and support through a strong home-school
partnership, built on shared values, is the best way to keep our children safe
in today’s digital world.
Where can I find out more?
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